we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
