Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's shark week go big or go home
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