dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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