i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
