One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
