During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
