i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
