The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
