it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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