I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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