This is not my ceiling
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
