Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize