Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
