I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
