So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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