I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
