DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
