his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
