Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
