We're like a lot better than the average bears
I accidentally had phone sex last night
just tell him i said nine months
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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