I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You're like the curious george of whores
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
