I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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