So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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