Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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