You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
