My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
