Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
how does that bad decision feel?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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