I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize