Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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