Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
