oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
