If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
