absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I understand Curling. That high.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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