Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
