Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
