In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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