walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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