could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
