When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
