Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
