Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
