he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
