I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize