It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
