The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
