Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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