Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
