Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
