That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
