C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
