no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
