booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize