I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
