She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
