i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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