I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
