I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
pray to the hookup gods
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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