If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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