gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
