I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
