Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize