my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
