I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he was CRYING into my vagina
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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